Monday, June 29, 2015

In-vitro

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During the month of April and May Scott and I went through our first round of in-vitro fertilization or commonly called IVF. This is the most invasive form of infertility treatment. We really didn't think we'd have to resort to this, but we wholeheartedly believed (as did our doctor) that it would work for us.
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We were a little overwhelmed when we received all of our drugs in the mail for our IVF treatment!

In-vitro involves daily injections of hormones into the belly for about two months. Thank goodness Scott was willing to give me the shots each morning, it would have been hard to give the shots to myself. For 1 month it was one shot each day and then for about two weeks it was three shots each day.  The daily shots cause the growth of as many eggs as possible, which means crazy enlarged ovaries. I felt like I was already pregnant! My ovaries were each about the size of a bunch of grapes and as uncomfortable as it was I was just so happy. I was willing to do whatever it took and be in any amount of discomfort or pain to bring a baby to our family. After a little over a month of injections I went in for surgery for them to remove all of the eggs I was growing. I was extremely nervous for the surgery because I had never had one before. The anesthesiologist was amazing and the surgery was over before I knew it had begun. The recovery was uncomfortable but nothing too horrible. In the surgery they were able to collect 26 eggs! We were overjoyed!

After the eggs were retrieved they were fertilized in the lab. It is absolutely amazing what medicine and technology can do! Of the 26 eggs only 2 grew to the stage of a blastocyst by day 5. 

We took those two little embryos and had them transferred into my uterus. We were officially pregnant! It was a wonderful day. I had a 10 day wait until we would find out if one or two stuck. It was a hard ten days and I have never wanted time to go faster than I did then. 
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The day of our transfer.

10 days after the transfer we got the news that we had lost both little babies.

We have never felt such pain in our lives. Both individually and together.

It felt like not only were we grieving the loss of our two little embryos, but also the possibility of future children. We felt like we were losing our future family. This was supposed to work. We were ready with baby announcement ideas, names and nursery furniture. Words can't really describe the pain. My heart aches for the many other women who have been in this situation.

Each day became less painful and got a little easier.

Even though I wish with all of my heart it would have ended differently, I learned some pretty amazing things from this experience. I learned that I am so much stronger than I thought I was (mainly physically. I'm still working on the emotional part). I learned that people are so wonderful! People were so kind and loving and thoughtful through every step. Friends were selfless and caring. Most of all, I learned that you can still be happy when you're sad and in pain.

We're still in the middle of our fight with infertility, it is still really hard, but I have my amazing husband and my perfect little furbaby. We won't stop fighting for our future family.

I know that one day either through more treatments or through the miracle of adoption we'll be able to add to our little family. That is the hope I hold on to.

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Thursday, June 25, 2015

Tahoe

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This past weekend Scott and I took a little trip to Lake Tahoe for my birthday. It was such a blast! It is hands down one of my favorite places in the world.
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Before we left we drove Charlie to my sister-in-law's because she is awesome and was watching him for us for the weekend. I had Scott snap this pic because he is just too cute!!!!
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On the drive out, we got stuck on the road at a dead stop for over an hour. It was 100 degrees outside! Although it wasn't fun at the time, its kind of hilarious now. We learned that people start doing weird things when they're stuck in the middle of the desert. This one guy pulled off to the side of the road, set up camp and took his dog on a walk. A trucker a few cars behind us somehow changed into a unitard thing, pulled weights out of his truck and did a full on workout in the road (insert emoji crying laughing face).
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They closed the freeway because somehow a semi truck's trailer had caught on fire. When we passed it there was almost nothing left except a lot of rolls and croissants all over the road that the truck had been carrying. But after the setback we made it there without incident. We stayed with my grandparents at their cabin and spending time with them made the weekend that much better!
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Friday was my 24th birthday and we went on one amazing adventure!
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We went to the North end of Tahoe and hiked down to some hidden coves.
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It was PERFECT weather!
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After hiking, swimming (in perfectly clear water!) and tanning on a gigantic slab of granite we headed back to my grandparents for dinner.
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We went to the Cottonwood in Truckee for dinner and it was delicious with the most amazing view!
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Then we went back to the cabin for cake and ice cream on my grandparents gorgeous deck!
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Saturday we went on an incredible hike! If you're ever in Tahoe the Glacier Loop trail in Tahoe-Donner is amazing!
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After the hike we explored historic downtown Truckee. They have the cutest shops! Then we went to dinner at one of my favorite places ever, the Village Pizzeria. Sunday morning my grandparents took us out to brunch at Squeeze In (another must try for the Tahoe area) and then we headed out. It was a quick trip but SO wonderful!
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Monday, June 15, 2015

Family Visit and Summer Adventures

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A few weeks ago my Mom and little sister came to visit me. We had such a blast!
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One morning we went up the canyon on a walk to Bridal Veil. It is so green and gorgeous in the mountains right now!
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I love this little girl! She was obsessed with charlie and charlie was obsessed with her!
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So much fun!
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These peonies were the most gorgeous ones I've ever had!
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My cute family :)
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Last Saturday we took charlie with us to hike up to Stewart Falls. I've done this hike many times but I have never seen it so beautiful!!
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My new favorite picture of my boys!
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Such a fantastic day!
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